How to Involve Friends & Family in Your Wedding Ceremony
For many couples, having their family and friends there to witness their ceremony is one of the most important parts of their wedding day. I’m often asked for the best ways to include your loved ones in your wedding ceremony, and I’m able to pull from the many wonderful weddings I’ve led as a celebrant to help. Take inspiration from my couples with these 5 different ideas, and then let’s talk about how to make them your own.
Involving your friends and family in your wedding in a non-traditional way:
A classic wedding ceremony set-up includes family involvement in some very traditional ways - for example, being walked down the aisle and ‘given away’, or seating each person’s family on a specific side of the room. So it seems like a natural place to begin by saying that all those traditions can be rethought, redesigned, or removed completely if they don’t work for you, leaving you free to design a wedding ceremony that’s everything you want, and nothing you don’t. This is why ‘rethinking the aisle’ is top of my list of ways to get your loved ones involved:
Rethinking your walk down the aisle
One of you waiting at the end of the aisle while the other walks down with your father might feel perfect for you, but there are endless reasons why it also might not. Consider this your permission slip to both enter your wedding however you want, whether that’s each of you walking in separately with different music, one of you walking to the other alone, or you walking in together hand-in-hand. One of my previous brides, Chloe, walked down the aisle with her daughter, and Lee (who you’ll meet later at his beach wedding!) with his step-daughters.
Your family is quite unlike the next person’s, therefore your wedding should be too. Style your aisle walk to make the most sense for you, to start your ceremony as you mean to go on: your way.
Ask friends and family to contribute to the content of the ceremony
Perhaps the single biggest benefit of choosing a celebrant-led wedding is the ability to have your ceremony completely tailor-made. This gives you the most beautiful opportunity to get your friends and family involved in either the writing or the conducting of it, which many of my couples have chosen to do. Why not consider…
Asking your loved ones for stories, anecdotes and quotes that can be used to weave a deeply personal tale of your relationship, through the eyes of those who know you best. When writing Stef and Chris’s ceremony, this is exactly what we did - they put me in a WhatsApp group with 30 of their nearest and dearest, and I went on a mini mission to find the best little golden threads, creating a secret section to surprise the couple with on their wedding day.
They also kicked things off with a shot trolley walking down the aisle just before they did, so you can probably imagine how much of a vibe this wedding was!
If sending me on a WhatsApp deep-dive isn’t the right approach, I also often have short video calls with your family, chosen family or friends to help get to know you in a different way. The people who’ve known you all your life often have the most lovely and insightful things to say, which can be woven directly into the ceremony as quotes, or used in the wording.
Including guests in the ceremonial aspects of the wedding. Emily and David’s handfasting ceremony at Talhenbont Hall was led by me and performed by family and friends, who took it in turns to come up and lay the cords over their hands. It doesn’t get much more symbolically significant than your loved ones physically helping you to tie the knot!
Clair and Janine took things one step further, asking their friends and family to vote on what their new surname should be. Choosing to eschew traditions of taking the other’s name, they wanted instead to combine both of their surnames, giving their loved ones two options during the ceremony - a really fun touch, and an incredibly meaningful way to include your guests
Ensuring a warm welcome for everyone, despite language barriers
It’s true that love knows no borders, and I frequently lead ceremonies for multi-national, multi-lingual couples. It sometimes happens that not all guests are fluent in English, or that the couple would like to say vows in both languages. There are a few different ways we can handle this, including but not limited to:
Translating the ceremony script and printing booklets for guests who only speak one language, just as we did for Seb’s German-speaking family at his wedding to Katie
Including parts of the ceremony in both language, so everybody hears meaningful words spoken aloud
Saying personal vows in both languages, just as Seb and Katie did. Their families, gathered at a North Wales family home, were grateful to hear them professing their love for one another in both English and German, creating the best possible experience for everyone attending
At Michael and Fateme’s wedding, they planned to say their vows in English but, unbeknownst to Fateme and their guests, Michael secretly learned and delivered them in Farsi instead. An incredibly moving moment for everyone attending, plus Fateme’s family who were watching online.
Have a video of the ceremony made and sent back to any family members who couldn’t attend, with subtitles added to translate what’s being said. This way, everyone feels included.
Being based in North Wales, I sometimes lead ceremonies for guests who speak Welsh as their first language. I like to include Welsh words, especially in the opening and closing of the ceremony, to help them feel welcome. I can do this with other languages too - for example this, taken straight from Ariane and Sam’s Soughton Hall wedding:
"...Friends and family, please put your hands together, with your loudest whoops and cheers, as we welcome our newly married couple back up the aisle. Félicitations, Ariane et Samuel!”
Make a weekend (or a week!) of it, with everyone staying together
Smaller guest numbers lend themselves perfectly to turning your wedding into a little getaway for yourselves, your friends and family, and North Wales is just the perfect place to do so. What could be better than escaping into nature and celebrating your relationship with everyone you love? That’s exactly what these two couples thought, too.
Chloe and Richard hired a big Air BnB in Rowen in the Conwy Valley, with all of their guests (and dogs) staying there with them for a few days. I led their ceremony in the garden, all decked out in incredible autumnal colours, and they read personal vows, had a handfasting with climbing ropes (guess their hobby), and exchanged rings.
One of the big benefits of doing it this way was that we were able to change the timing of their ceremony at the last minute, when the weather turned on us. Unrestricted by venue timelines or scheduled slots, we had the flexibility to give them exactly the ceremony they wanted, where they wanted.
If you’re planning to hire an Air BnB for your wedding, it’s important to check with the owner that you have permission to get married there.
Elena and Graham married outdoors in Anglesey, hiring Bodorgan Inn (an old village pub turned holiday rental) for their stay. Their friends and family joined them as we curated their ceremony out in the garden, then headed to Newborough beach* for a picnic before pulling their own pints in the pub to celebrate in the evening.
Emily and David, who we met briefly earlier, also made a lovely rural weekend of it with their loved ones. Their wedding took place at Talhenbont Hall, a beautiful countryside estate on the Llyn Peninsula, and brought their families from the States and all around the UK together for a week of adventures - the biggest one being their wedding, of course.
*Newborough Beach has long been a popular spot for wedding ceremonies in North Wales, and this was originally Elena and Graham’s plan. However, NRW are tightening up their policies on beach weddings, so we made a plan B that gave them the best of both worlds - their seaside wedding, uninterrupted.
Include those you’ve lost in your ceremony, as though they’re still there
Because we all know that they are, in spirit. There are so many touching ways to include friends and family members that are no longer with us in your wedding, and this is always a deeply personal choice. Whether you have their photographs around your wedding venue, include a piece of jewellery or a favourite flower in your outfit, or mention them in your speech, only you will know what feels right to honour and include them.
Michelle and Jenna, for whom I played the role of celebrant as well as long-time friend, had booked their wedding on short notice in the hope that a very ill family member would still be able to attend. Very sadly, she died a couple of weeks before the wedding, so it only felt right to make sure she was mentioned - especially as she had expressly wished for the wedding to go ahead regardless.
The ceremony started with a toast to her, acknowledging that the wedding was going ahead minus a very important person, and we saved a seat on the front row for her so she still had a physical presence on the day.
Knowing that this was going to be a very emotional day, we intentionally made the tone of the rest of the ceremony very lighthearted and jokey. Sobbing their way through their vows in front of everyone didn’t feel right for them as a couple, so my job as their celebrant was to keep the mood light and bouncy, and they had also chosen to share their personally written vows with one another ahead of the day to avoid overwhelm.
I originally trained as a wedding and funeral celebrant because I knew that most ceremonies did a poor job of reflecting the complex, fascinating people they were about. In all ceremonies, we are celebrating life and love in some way or another, and I pride myself on telling stories with warmth, humour and compassion. This is something my couples are particularly thankful for when navigating including their late family members in their ceremonies.
Don’t forget to include your furry family in your wedding
Some of our most beloved guests walk on four legs, and I lead so many weddings where dogs get involved in the most adorable ways. Celebrant weddings give you complete freedom to include whatever and whoever you like, and your furry friends are by your side every other day of your life - so why not your wedding day? Here are some of my couples and their ceremonial canines:
Chloe and Richard brought their dogs with them to their Air BnB, where they celebrated with the most important people in their lives
Katie and Seb and Sally and Lee both asked their dogs to be ring bearers, and for Sally and Lee it was even more special as they married on Porthdinnlaen Beach - where they walk their dogs every day. Their wedding on the Llyn Peninsula took place at a beachfront cottage, with the ceremony taking place barefoot in the sand
Sally and Lee created a beautiful boho style beach wedding, with the iconic Tŷ Coch Inn in the background. I worked with Lee one-on-one to help him bring his vows together, which is something I’m always happy to help with. You can also explore my advice for making your wedding vows feel authentic.
Elena and Graham (of the Bodorgan Inn Holiday rental) had their gorgeous golden retriever with them, who decided mid-ceremony that their wooden ceremony arch looked like a fun stick to try and play with…which is probably why they say you should never work with children or animals, unless you want to be seriously entertained!
Extra wildcard ideas to involve your friends and family in your wedding ceremony:
Inspired by some more of the couples I’ve led ceremonies for, if you’re still looking for the perfect way to get your loved ones into the mix, you might like to consider…
Playing on family names and connections to create elements of your ceremony. This is a lovely way to help people feel involved without them having to do anything, and Rod and Dan did this really well at their “more of a personal thing than a formality”-focused ceremony. Birch trees surrounded their ceremony space, each tied with a little Mackenzie tartan ribbon - both of their surnames subtly incorporated, keeping the family tie strong at their outdoor wedding
Including little minigames or interactive elements of the ceremony. Rod and Dan’s guests knew that the couple were playing a game of rock, paper, scissors to decide who would walk down the aisle first, so there was a buzz of anticipation as everyone waited to see who would appear
Asking your loved ones to vote - on a new surname for you both to share, which song to play first on the dancefloor, or something else that feels fun and on-brand for you!
Curating your wedding ceremony is something I find great joy in, and I see it as a great privilege to help you get married in a way that feels truly, authentically you. You might have a million other ideas for ways to involve your friends and family in your ceremony, or you might be feeling like none of the ideas here have sparked inspiration just yet. Either way, I’m happy to help you feel it out and find the route that’s a perfect fit. Get in touch to chat about your wedding date, and we’ll work together to bring your loved ones into the fold.
Kate Rostance is a humanist wedding celebrant based in North Wales. She creates ceremonies that are relaxed and full of meaning - with a touch of humour and plenty of heart. She works across North Wales, including Snowdonia, Anglesey, Gwynedd, the Llyn Peninsula, Cheshire and beyond.
