Writing your wedding vows can feel like trying to sum up your entire relationship in a few sentences in front of all of your most important people. No pressure, right? But here’s what you need to know: you don’t need to be a poet or a public speaker. You don’t need to have everyone in fits of giggles. You just need to be you. This guide will help you work out what approach is right for you, collect some ideas and get that first draft written.
What Are Wedding Vows?
We hear the term all the time, but what exactly are wedding vows?
In the simplest sense, vows are the promises you make to each other during your ceremony. This sometimes happens immediately before the rings are exchanged, and sometimes happens during it. In a religious or registrar-led wedding, these are often set phrases like “for better, for worse,” repeated word-for-word, but that’s not the only way.
In a celebrant-led ceremony, your vows are something else entirely: a declaration of love, gratitude, and intentions for the future. You don’t even need to use the word “vows”, we can replace it with “promises” or “intentions” instead.
Different Types of Wedding Vows
There are a few different ways to approach it.
"I do"
In traditional wedding vows, the officiant asks each person a question, and they answer “I do” or “I will”. This can be a really good option for less traditional weddings for couples who are nervous about speaking during the ceremony.
Repeat After Me
Another option would be to go for a “repeat after me” option, where your officiant says a few words, and you repeat them back to your partner.
Personal Vows
Or, what most of my couples choose to do, is to write and read their promises directly to one another. This can be an incredibly powerful part of the ceremony and is something I would definitely encourage you to consider - especially if you’re happy to share your vows with one another for the first time during your ceremony.
If the thought of that makes you gasp for breath, and there can be many reasons why that might be (but not wanting to bawl their eyes out during the ceremony is often high on the list), I encourage my couples to make a special event of it in the run up to the wedding, where they perhaps have a nice dinner together and share their vow drafts privately with one another in preparation for the big day.
Hopefully one of those options feels like the right way for you to go, but how do you get from a blank piece of paper, to written vows that sum up what the love of your life means to you? Read on.
How to Start Writing Your Vows: Step by Step
Step 1: Collect your thoughts
Don’t worry about formatting, just get everything down on paper or the notes app on your phone in a chaotic and unstructured way. Think about:
when you first met, your first impressions and why you fancied them
your journey to your wedding day, the challenges you’ve overcome and your favourite memories together
what made you realise they were the person you wanted to spend your life with
what makes you laugh or smile about them
what they’re great at (and what they’re rubbish at!)
what they’ve taught you about life and about yourself, and the things you’re grateful to them for
how they support you, and how you balance each other out
how they show their love, and how they receive your love
what you’re proud of them for
Step 2: Think about the future
When you have all that jotted down, it’s time to think about the future.
What are you looking forward to most about your lives together?
When things get tough how are you going to weather the storm together?
What do you hope will never change?
And ultimately, what promises do you want to make to one another?
Step 3: Talk to your partner
Before you dive in to a first draft, I recommend chatting this through with your partner. Some couples prefer to agree a tone and format (e.g. three short paragraphs about our love, followed by three promises), and some are happy to freestyle. It’s probably good to agree a broad word count (somewhere betweemn 100-500 words depending on how chatty you are), but leave space for differences between you, they won’t feel like big differences on the day.
Step 4: Start writing
Then it’s time to get writing. You’ll never be able to include absoliutely everything you want to say, so be simple and intentional with what you write. Give yourself enough time that this isn’t rushed, and you can give yourself a day or weeks between your first draft and looking at it again, as there will be changes you want to make.
This is where you can lean on me as your celebrant. Use me as a sounding board. If writing isn’t your thing, then we can have a chat about the prompts I’ve listed above, and I can write a draft on your behalf. I can also give you honest feedback about what’s working and what you might want to take another look at, and can make sure there’s a good flow between both sets of vows.
Step 5: And finally, take time to prepare.
Read your vows outloud a million times. You don’t need to know them off by heart, but you do need to be familiar with the rhythm and cadence of how they feel when you say them. On the day itself, take a deep breath, take your time and enjoy, there’s no need to race to the finish line.
Real Wedding Vow & Ring Exchange Examples
Answering “I do” or “I will”
Will you keep building a life with Matthew that feels like home - a place of comfort, stability, and belonging, no matter what the world throws your way?
I will
Will you take the time to listen, to understand, and to speak with patience and care - even when it’s not easy?
I will
Will you offer your strength when it’s needed, your calm when it matters, and your love without hesitation and condition?
I will
Or another example:
Do you pledge to be there for each other through thick and thin, to hold each other when it’s cold and to pick each other up when you fall?
I do
Do you pledge to travel with each other towards your future, to share the work and the joy of that journey and to build an even richer life together?
I do
Do you pledge your unconditional love, devotion and support to each other and to Charlotte so that your family can blossom and bloom, growing together, but also as unique, different individuals?
I do
Repeat After Me
Each line was spoken by me and repeated by the couple.
I vow to create with you a home that is more than walls and roof,
a place where our love takes root and grows,
where we can be wholly ourselves, safe in one another’s care.
A place of shelter for our bodies and our souls.
I vow to walk beside you through every season of our lives,
to seek beauty in uncharted paths and in the everyday,
to meet its twists and turns as one,
to savour the adventures that call us outward,
and the quiet moments that bring us home.
I vow to bind my heart to yours in trust and respect,
to love you with honesty, patience and joy,
to see you clearly, hear you fully, and cherish you deeply.
With all that I am, and all that I will become, I choose you.
Personal Vows
Example 1 - With In Jokes
I can’t promise I’ll always get things right, but I do promise to learn from my mistakes.
I promise to be there for you when you need me, even when you insist you're “fine” but clearly are not.
I promise to laugh with you in the good times and comfort you in the challenging times.
I promise to pause whatever bizarre Instagram reel I’m watching when you’re talking, or at least turn the volume down.
I promise to never watch the next episode of our favourite programme without you.
I promise to be open to new adventures… unless that adventure involves a Fray Bentos pie, in which case I respectfully decline on culinary grounds.
I promise to try and find the magic in whatever we’re doing together, whether that’s a long hike or a trip to the newest garden centre that’s just opened.
But most importantly, no matter how many garden centres, paused videos, or questionable pies we face together, I promise to love you, support you, be your biggest cheerleader and your best friend in this life and the next.
Example 2 - Balancing Sincere and Lighthearted
You are my best friend and my soul mate.
I promise to be your partner for all the adventurous times...(just don't leave me with the map),
simple times... (are you OK to keep doing the cooking?),
amazing times and difficult times,
in sickness and in health.
I promise, I will always be there for you.
If I can explore the world with you by my side, then I’ve got more than I could ever dream of.
I can’t wait to be able to call you my wife.
Example 3 - Simple and Romantic
I commit my mind, body and soul to you.
I commit to strive to be the man you deserve, to support and secure you, to be your confident and partner in adventures.
I bind myself and my heart to yours, in trust, respect, honesty and love, and promise to support you in your dreams.
Example 4 - Poetic and Reverent
In you, my heart has found its home. With you, I feel safe, and I feel loved - on the happy days, and the harder ones. You know what I need without me asking. Sometimes, it’s a hug, sometimes space, sometimes it’s a stupidly long run on my own. With you, I feel truly seen, and completely accepted, and that is an incredible gift.
I won’t say that I wish I’d met you twenty years before, because everything happens for a reason, and I count my blessings every day that we came into each other’s lives at the exact right moment.
I love the life we have built together, stripping away the things that don’t matter so we can focus on what really does.
You and me. The dogs. The sea.
I promise you I will spend the rest of my life protecting what we’ve found in each other, and our dream life here. I promise to start each day by kissing you and telling you how much I love you. I promise to end each day doing exactly the same.
I love you more than I thought it was possible for one human being to love another. And for the rest of my life, I promise to make sure you know it.
Ready to Write Your Own Wedding Vows?
If I’ve sent you a link to this article because you’re about to write your own vows, this is the sign to get out paper and a pen (or if your handwriting is as bad as mine, the notes app on your phone will do) and start writing. It doesn’t have to be the most romantic sentences ever penned. It does need to reflect you, your partner, the love you share and the aspirations you have for the future. And, if all this feels overwhelming, I’m here for all my couples. Get in touch and we can work through this together.
If you’ve stumbled across this blog online and you’re thinking a celebrant wedding might be right for you, chances are you’re probably right. I’m Kate Rostance, and I’m a celebrant in North Wales and Cheshire in the UK. Get in touch if you’d like to work together.
Kate Rostance is a humanist wedding celebrant based in North Wales. She creates ceremonies that are relaxed and full of meaning - with a touch of humour and plenty of heart. She works across North Wales, including Snowdonia, Anglesey, Gwynedd, the Llyn Peninsula, Cheshire and beyond.
